The Pull of Nostalgia: Longing for a Past That Shapes the Present
How revisiting a beloved alma mater stirs memories of youth, friendship, and the unchanging power of human connection in the face of life's inevitable changes.
Nostalgia is a powerful thing.
We’re at the stage of parenting where we are doing college tours. More precisely, we have gone on one college visit. My eldest has friends attending my alma mater, Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio, and so she requested that I take her there on Columbus Day weekend so she can do the prospective student tour and then spend time with friends she has only known through her online homeschooling group. Of course, I am not opposed to visiting the college I attended three decades ago and have only been back to visit once, about 5 years ago. The four years I spent there were some of the best of my life and I would like to see how things have changed.
We drove the 11 hours out to Steubenville from the Boston area and stayed with friends, who graciously opened their home to us. On Friday we got the full college visit experience: She sat in on a class, I attended presentations on finances and campus life and we got a tour from an earnest, bubbly young student. I spent a lot of time pointing out to my daughter all the ways the place has changed, the buildings that were new when I was a student that look in need of repair now and all the buildings and facilities that are new.
I was very impressed with the school and how much has changed and how much hasn’t. Apart from the new buildings and the new majors, there’s the way technology suffuses student life. So much happens online and through their phones. Laptops in the classroom were just starting to happen back in the mid-90s; I was one of the first to take my notes on one at our school. Now laptops are everywhere. But there is so much that hasn’t changed, like the vitality of student interactions. There is the sheer joy and excitement, the newly minted adulthood, and newly found freedoms. I can see why some people love to work in higher education to see a constant influx of young people who cycle through their four years and emerge as adults, ready to take on the world and the rest of their lives.
Coming to Steubenville, we weren’t sure if Isabella was even going to go to college. We’re still working with her to discern her future path, especially given the expense. We’re certainly not among those parents who think that college is a requirement for success in life. There are many paths to fulfillment of vocation and college is only one of them (and the most expensive).
The sales pitch is a good one, though. By the end of the day, I wanted to re-enroll and come back to study. It would be awesome. To be a student at Steubenville these days. I would love to live on campus in the new dorms and go to class in the new buildings, hang out in the new student center, and live in the city again where you no longer have coal dust clogging your lungs.
I started to feel an intense longing for the old days when I was student at Steubenville in the mid-90s. I thought about my old friendships and the incredible experiences we had. Even then I knew I needed to commit them to memory because I would never experience that time again. There haven’t been a lot of times in the past 30 years where I longed to go back. Honestly, I’ve felt more longing for my childhood in Canton, Mass. with my family. But this weekend, the feelings of loss, the intense desire in my heart to have that time again has appeared. I wonder if this is why parents so often want their children to attend their alma maters, so they can vicariously “go home” again.
I know there were plenty of hard times in my school days, heartbreak, loneliness, disappointment, and failure. But human nature is funny. It can be so easy for the good memories of laughter, excitement, joy, and love to crowd out the bad ones or least to lessen their impact. Every woman who has given birth twice has experienced that, where the memory of the pain and suffering of the first pregnancy and birth is overshadowed by the joy of that first newborn baby. So I sit here with my nostalgia, longing for days that will never come again.
And that’s okay. I know that my future holds even more amazing experiences. As does my present with these days of my nearly grown children still at home with us, giving us our joy in these moments. Soon enough my empty house will give me even more reason for nostalgia.
I’m glad to have visited my past this weekend. I’ll be glad to return to my present next week. If my daughter or one of my other children decide to become a student at my alma mater, I look forward to many more opportunities for nostalgia. And if not, I will always hold a special place in my memories of my college time, alongside all the other special times and place of my life.
I miss the old days, mostly because my body felt new and good as opposed to this 56 year old model!
So interesting to hear your perspective. I am glad you and Bella have some time together too. It’s funny that Jeff and I have no desire to go back to our Alma mater, despite having met there. Sometimes a school is just a school. I’m glad that many people love their colleges. I think I may miss my grad school experience—though mostly online—more than my undergrad.